Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
