does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
