"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
