His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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