bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
