i just google imaged poop.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
