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That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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