Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
