Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
