Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
