When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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