Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
