i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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