it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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