how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
