What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
