apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
