perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
