I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
