Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
