that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so let's talk penis.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
