i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She bit a glass in half.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
