He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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