if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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