Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
