Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
