well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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