Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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