At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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