I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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