Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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