I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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