Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize