So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
