he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There are leaves in my underwear?
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