Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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