Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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