First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
