yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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