Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
