I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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