I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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