The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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