I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
