i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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