Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
