Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
