No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
