New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
