I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
fuck your aforementioned shoe
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
