It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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