Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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