I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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