he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
