No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize