either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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