FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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