Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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