That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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