you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
