i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
