I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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