hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
