Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
