No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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