He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize