You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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