im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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