All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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