i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
