we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
