I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
