I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
