You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
