Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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