Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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