Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
