I think i peed on brittanys purse
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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