Got a toothbrush?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
