thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize