A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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