im about as happy as oj after his trial
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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