sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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