it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
