If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
