Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
