I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
