Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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