this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize