Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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