You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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