In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
