Already got asked if we're dating
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
