You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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